Byebyee.
<3

Woke up really early today
I spent 45 minutes standing and queuing up outside the China embassy
The woman at the counter was so scarily unfriendly.
Need to collect it on Thursday.. I do hope they don't mess up or I won't be able to fly off and it'll cause extreme trouble for everyone.

After that I went to school to talk to Mrs Chan
Got a whole long lecture
But it didn't make me cry so that's good

After that I met mel and cheryl and pris @ amk for ktv
Oh gosh I haven't had such fun in a long while.
Sang lots of JJ's songs <3
And wu yue tian and other artist(e)s and english songs too.

Yep.
I sang sweet memories too!
But fail, i couldn't read many many of the kanji..

After that I went to orchard
Was early, so i went to walk around
Spent a great deal of time staring at the Japanese shelf in the Marketplace in Paragon's basement
Bought these rice cracker thingies in the end.
Walked around lucky plaza too until I decided to just sit down and wait.

Melia called just as I was falling asleep
So i went up to her house first
Shennel was there

I LOVE MELIA'S ROOM, ITS AWESOMEZ.

Yeah.

We listened to podcasts from Paster Joyce Meyer
Wow, she's good.
I need to stock up before I go to China

Past few days have turned me inside out and upside down
Inner turmoil, I say.

Can't wait for mommy and daddy to come back tomorrow morning so i can get physical hugs
Even if i don't say why,
They help, somehow.

Fa la la ~

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

I wish i could spend all night hugging my knees and sitting on the rooftop with wind blowing all around me
And maybe never come down
ever


Schoooool.
The whole SCdance fiasco
I'm so tired of the whole hierachy and biasness and stuff
People still think I'm up there
But the fact is i've fallen to the bottom and i can't get up

And the whole exco matter
I thought I'd gotten over it
I've been trying, i really have ):
But the moment kristen and shen-nen mentioned it that day in the pb room
That was it; the strings snapped.
I just feel like it was so unfair ):
i found out that so many things were changed by our wonderful principal
procedures changed too just because she wanted some award thing
And i feel so guilty about being upset about it

Oh no not to mention grades.
Sucks.
I have nothing to say

I feel guilty about being upset about a lot of things.
I acknowledge that I've had a better life than a lot of people
The amount of privileges I've had is tremendous
And a lot of people wish they could go through what i have

I feel guilty because sometimes I wish.
That I'd just die and go to heaven and stay there.
Which is utterly selfish, and stupid.
God'd be disappointed too ):

I really cannot understand how anyone can love me.
Even God =O
Ahh his love and grace are unmeasurable.
But humans too;
I don't know how people can not hate me haha
I think most people don't know my true nature, that's why
I've been deceiving the whole world.
Oh, my goodness.

Nobody has any idea how hard this whole year has been for me
And I feel like its about to get worse
Sec 4 will be a very, very trying year

YOU KNOW WHAT
I'm done explaining.
Because I'm never going to be able to pen down my thoughts in words
Or my feelings
'Cos no one will ever get it.

I'm just gonna put on a huge smile for the world
because that's all they're ever going to need to see
:D
HELLO WORLD I'M FREAKING HAPPY(:

okay you know what this is just going to fail hahaha.
WHATEVER.

Right, I need to find out how to get to the China embassy now.

What a start to the holidays
Frankly, they don't feel like holidays at all
The work and the horror has just begun

Dear meeeee.
Y'know, I never knew it was so hard to hold back tears
I surprised myself today.

>=(
*shakes head fervently*
no emo.

I need to go finish typing out today's meeting minutes
Adios!

Another sucky day~
ONE MORE DAY OF LESSONS ZOMGZ.

I'm supposed to be studying now but I don't know where my chem part 2 went.
Dang it.
And I realised today that I speak a lot like Tisa now.
TSK.

DISC profiling;
I'm an I D S
that is,
outgoing, then dominant, then shy.
HAHA.

okay whatever.

BAND OUTING NEXT WEDNESDAY<3<3
Finally everyone can make it.
Yayyyy

I want a singing partner to harmonise with just for fun 'cos its the most gratifying, fun thing ever.
D: but no one does that with me anymore.
Only like when I meet up with the Almighties worship team
Or when Huijun gets out her guitar/guitarlele and we jam.
or i youtube and harmonise myself hahahaha.

OF COURSE, this is apart from dancing something I love [:
I'm quite excited for the contemp class actually.
I really really really love expressive dances.
e.g. this [ignoring the fact that it is guy-girl]
Just haven't had the chance to try much.
I'm contemplating asking Marika if I can try the class she goes forrr.

Singing + Dancing = AWESOMENESS<3

Really tired though.
Took so long to eat just now because I was stoning the whole way
I hated school so badly today.
The debate was utter rubbish and a total waste of time.
Not to mention an embarrassment.
SORRY GUYS FOR DRAGGING Y'ALL IN.
my fault my fault.

Knee still hurts. ouch ):
It's not supposed to be hurting 'cos its scabbed alreaddyy.
Ankle's itching, but the swelling in my foot is subsiding.
ARGHHH SO ITCHY.

I love David Archuleta's rendition of Heaven
During his auditions.
So nicee.


NEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
tomorrowthereisschooldangitandwe'retakingbussomustwakeupuberearlythatishhorrigible.

STRAIGHT NO CHASER IS AMAZING :O
go youtube it.
Kenny sent the url to me.


whoohoewiath.

Okay not a good night.

Tired + reminded of things + fear of injection + physical pain + emotional weariness + work induced stress [albeit self caused] + my own horrible personality and habits = death.

Only 'cos now its + GOD = survival.

Strangely, my knee hurts more now.

You know i feel so irritable now. I could shout at anyone. ANYONE. I'd just find some stupid reason and keep picking at it.

Omg, its hard to control.

Anyway.
I want to thank someone who's been talking to me everyday [more like every hour. like you said!] and listening to my nonsense and been there for me the whooleeeeee while. You know who you are luh. Thank you <3

Now. Back to keeping my eyes open.

School. Suckkkkkkkkks.
I have work to do. Heavy work.
[joyce i'm so sorry. but i'm really feeling super dead now. i promise i won't sleep until its all done, even if it means i only sleep for 1 hour or less before school. SHH SHIVANI WILL KILL ME]
But now I'm like this:
*Goes to microsoft word and types in one word.
Gets bored and goes to mozilla and youtubes.
Checks my phone for an sms and replies it.
Stones and stares at the screen.
Wince as a stab of pain hits my foot.


aaaand... i need to go get my injection now shit bye pray i don't die.